so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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