end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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