If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
