It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
