Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is Oprah even human
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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