those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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