Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
