...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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