omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
