i may or may not be watching the land before time
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
