i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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