my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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