dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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