Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
