I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
