I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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