So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
