I hope mine doesn't look like that
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
