Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
