He asked to "fluff my boner.."
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
