Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
