You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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