I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize