Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
farters have to be the big spoon...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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