FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
