Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she told me i tasted like america
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
