put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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