i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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