Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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