and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
