I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
