She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
