Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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