i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
