you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
