she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
