I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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