I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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