I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
