Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
