can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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