Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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