i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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