ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize
