But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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