i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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