i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
