I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
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I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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