I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
