He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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