sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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