Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
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Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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