You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
