Christians are straight up FREAKS
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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