Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
