That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
