Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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