his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
