Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!