I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
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The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.