i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.