My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
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Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.