I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
