True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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