she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
