Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
