just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
