nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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