you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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