we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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