apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
