i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
