My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
