I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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