i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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