my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
