If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
be right there i have to get my cape
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