I never want to see another naked old woman again.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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