Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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