I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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