I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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