I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
