PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
