Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
