Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
