Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
